This video is part of the video series Born in Hell. This video contains graphic and explicit material. Please listen at your own discretion. If the topics of abuse of any kind, domestic violence, child sexual abuse, or violence bother you, please do not watch this video. After returning back home from working in the Grand Canyon, I found another job, and was getting ready to go back to cooking school to complete the program and graduate a Red Seal chef. I was working and saving money, and trying to help my mom around the house as much as possible. I was a loner, and had very little contact with people and no real friends to hang out with. I was not seeing anyone and not looking to go out on dates. I was still so shut down from the child sexual abuse and still hated my body and hated being a woman, and still trusted no one. My parents were still arguing and fighting but they were seniors now and my dad had stopped abusing my mom and trying to rape her. He left her alone, while my mom continued to throw things at my dad and curse him every chance she got. My mom was still getting her "digs" in with me when she could, and she enjoyed berating me and running me down, that had never changed. My brother Howard died in a homeless shelter in Calgary, Canada from a drug overdose. He died on his birthday, April 8th, alone, unwanted and unloved. Four months earlier he had phoned. I answered the phone and was surprised to hear my brother's voice. I had not spoken with him since he left for Canada when I was still a teen. He wanted to come home for Christmas and I set the phone down to see if my mom would pay for half of the plane ticket and I would pay for the other half. He was homeless most of the time his whole adult life in Canada and had a rough life, was a major pill popper and overdosed several times. My mom told me that she was not going to allow him to come home because she could not control him and he would just cause her trouble. I told my brother that we did not have the money for his plane ticket to come home. It broke my heart. I did not want to tell him that his mom did not want to speak to him, did not want him home. He was sad and told me to take care of myself and hung up. My brother Howard witnessed most of the beatings I took from my mom and had tried to intervene twice to save me from her. I loved my brother so much. He died alone, knowing that his mom and dad did not care if he was alive or dead. They abused him, allowed him to use drugs as a young boy, allowed him to drop out of school, continued to beat him and mistreat him. He had stepped in as a young boy to protect my mom from my dad and was beaten for it. He had gone out to the freeway as a young teen to stop my dad from killing himself. My parents, however, had done nothing but hurt him, abuse him, and set him up for a horrible adult life. He was dead. My brother Kevin had called, I answered the phone and he told me that Howard had died of an overdose in a shelter, and gave us the funeral date and information. I had to go tell my mom at her workplace, knowing how this would affect her. She was so upset and crying her eyes out, of course, because she could cry, we were not allowed to cry, only her. I was angry because we could all come up with the money for the plane tickets to go to his funeral, but my mom would not cough up the other half of a plane ticket for my brother to come home for Christmas, which I think would have saved my brother's life. I did not press the issue, because I was trying extremely hard not to be "my mother". My dad, mom, sister Kathi and myself went to Canada for his funeral. When we came home, the very first night back, my mom was up in the middle of the night getting a glass of water, had a stroke, fell and broke her hip. Her health was so bad at this time, she was 67 years old, and I knew this whole thing would take a toll on her health.
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I want to thank everyone for tuning in and supporting my work through the years! As always I continue to place a warning on my shows dealing with Child Abuse Prevention and Adult Survivor Issues, please LISTEN AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION! IF YOU ARE UNDER AGE AND OR SENSITIVE TO THE TOPIC AND ISSUES SURROUNDING CHILD ABUSE OF ANY TYPE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, SEXUAL ASSAULT, SEXUAL EXPLOITATION AND ANY RELATED TOPICS TO VIOLENCE, PLEASE DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS SHOW. WE ARE ALL RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN CHOICES. MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE FOR YOURSELF. THANK YOU! Human rights advocate, child rights advocate! Promoter of human rights for men, women, and children. I am not a professional counselor or a professional legal adviser and I have no professional certificates in these fields. This is not a professional show. The information and resources on these shows is from the web, and the accuracy is only as accurate as the originator's material was. Please make the right decision for yourself and listen at your own discretion. Minors and under age children must have parental/adult consent to listen to my shows in order that they stay protected at all times. Please have an adult listen to the material first so they can help you with the decision as to whether you should be listening to my shows or not depending on age appropriateness. Child Safety and Protection is my first priority. Thank you!