This video is part of the video series Born in Hell. This video contains graphic and explicit material. Please listen at your own discretion. If the topics of abuse of any kind, domestic violence, child sexual abuse, or violence bother you, please do not watch this video. I discuss in this video that after my car wreck I focused on working, paying my bills off, getting a used car because I had wrecked my Chevy Nova at age 18. During these two years I worked 2 and then 3 jobs, while on crutches. In order to do this, I had to use massive amounts of speed to stay awake. I only slept about two to three hours a night because I was working a day job, a graveyard job, and a weekend job. I was still partying with my friends and still living at home with my abuser parents. My friend Di moved in with her new boyfriend who was abused as a child and had severe anger issues. He was a serious drug user, shooting up speed balls and we began to do massive amounts of drugs that he supplied. They did not get along and fought all the time and my friend Di's boyfriend became physically abusive toward her, beating on her. My friend Di was tough, grew up in an abusive home as well and she fought back. She was still getting the worst end of the beatings. I feared for my friends life, but she was determined to stay with him. After a serious drug party went bad, I decided that I had had enough of the abuse and violence as her boyfriend threatened to kill me, slamming me up against a wall, choking me and threatening to kill me. I told him to go ahead and kill me, because he couldn't kill me, I was already dead. I turned 20 and my brother Rob who had sexually abused me committed suicide. He hung himself. He was a cocaine user, but that was not his main problem. His main problem was that he was born to two parents who held him in their hands and told him, "welcome to our hell" at birth. I was not surprised that he killed himself, as he had attempted suicide many times before and he finally made it. My mom was upset because I did not show any emotion after she told me they found his body and it was suicide. I told her that it was their (my mom and dad's) fault that he was dead. They allowed him to do drugs as a young boy, they abused him, they beat him and that it was just a little too late for tears. My mom did not make an issue about me not going to my brother's funeral. I had put all that child sexual abuse in a drawer, and it was still there and I did not care at this time that my brother killed himself. I did not care about him at all. My brother raped me for a year from 8 to 9 years old, tied me up, gagged me, put tape over my mouth, raped me, sodomized me, and used me as his own personal sex toy for a year, ripping my vagina, damaging my uterus, and causing me to have an infection that could have killed me. I bled for months and he continued to rape me, even knowing that I was in so much pain and bleeding, and that my hip was out of place from my dad dragging me by my leg and twisting my hip out of socket when I was 6 years old, he made it even worse. He caused me so much pain and caused me to hate my body, hate being a woman, hate sexuality, and caused me to shut down, no one touches me, no one gets close... ever... I did not care that he killed himself, because he did not care that he killed me.
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I want to thank everyone for tuning in and supporting my work through the years! As always I continue to place a warning on my shows dealing with Child Abuse Prevention and Adult Survivor Issues, please LISTEN AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION! IF YOU ARE UNDER AGE AND OR SENSITIVE TO THE TOPIC AND ISSUES SURROUNDING CHILD ABUSE OF ANY TYPE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, SEXUAL ASSAULT, SEXUAL EXPLOITATION AND ANY RELATED TOPICS TO VIOLENCE, PLEASE DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS SHOW. WE ARE ALL RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN CHOICES. MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE FOR YOURSELF. THANK YOU! Human rights advocate, child rights advocate! Promoter of human rights for men, women, and children. I am not a professional counselor or a professional legal adviser and I have no professional certificates in these fields. This is not a professional show. The information and resources on these shows is from the web, and the accuracy is only as accurate as the originator's material was. Please make the right decision for yourself and listen at your own discretion. Minors and under age children must have parental/adult consent to listen to my shows in order that they stay protected at all times. Please have an adult listen to the material first so they can help you with the decision as to whether you should be listening to my shows or not depending on age appropriateness. Child Safety and Protection is my first priority. Thank you!