This video is part of the video series Born in Hell. This video contains graphic and explicit material. Please listen at your own discretion. If the topics of abuse of any kind, domestic violence, child sexual abuse, or violence bother you, please do not watch this video. I discussed the last half of my 17th year, my mom was still back handing me and actually attacked me at work one afternoon. After she hit me, the ladies in the office stopped her from continuing the beating on any further. Our boss found out and warned my mom that what she had done was inappropriate at the office and I was too old for that kind of treatment, and that my mom should try talking with me instead of hitting me. That was the very last time my mom ever hit me, or ever attempted to hit me or inflict any physical abuse toward me again. The verbal abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse continued on. That never stopped until the day she went into a coma and died. My friends and me were doing massive amounts of drugs and drinking and smoking massive amounts of pot at this time. I was high all the time, that was my way of keeping all the abuse, the physical abuse from my parents, the child sexual abuse, rape, sodomy by my brother Rob, stuffed into a little drawer in which I keep it there so I can cope. The drugs made that so much easier. I was still unwanted, unloved, not being cared for and abused by my parents, it just wasn't physical abuse anymore, it was just as painful and hurt just as bad. I did not care if I did too many drugs and overdosed, and I did not care if I ended up dead in a car wreck and I drove fast and dangerously every where I went. I had a bad car wreck at age 18, in which they had to do full body x-rays checking for broken bones and internal damage to my body. At this time, the specialists revealed to me that the x-rays had shown multiple fractures to my skull in different places, neck damage, damage to my jaws and face, cracked and fractured ribs, separated ribs, as well as the hip injury, fractured coccyx and CSA, child sexual abuse. They advised that the damage to my body had been done years before, as these were the old fractures revealed by the x-rays. They asked me if I had been abused at that time. I was over 18 years old and it was up to me to press charges. The same thing happened to me when I went to see the gynaecologist at age 21 in which I had filled out the forms saying I was a "virgin" and had never had sexual intercourse before with anyone. They explained the damage to my body, the scar tissue, and advised that I would probably never be able to become pregnant, or even carry a child, even with reconstructive surgery. I explained that the person who had done that to me was my brother who had raped me from 8 to 9 years old when he was 21 and that he had committed suicide the year before when I was 20 years old. After the car accident I could not move out with my friend Di, I was broke, had to pay my doc bill, hospital bill, buy a new used car, and was in a cast for one year and crutches for two years. I had one year of physical therapy to go to after the cast came off and had to pay for that too. I was hoping to move away and get free from my pain and my past by the age of 20. During this time I was in our friend Tammy's band and sang back up vocals, which was such a blast. But my friends and I are doing heavy drugs at this time and that took all of our time and interest. We were heavy drug users by the time I was 19 years old. I was never looked after properly and so I did not look after myself. My parents hurt me, so, I hurt myself.
All of the shows I did on Blog Talk Radio are in a sequence and topically, I was progressing through issues and material in order. You can look at the lists under the AUDIO BLOG tab to view the progression of each of my audio series of shows if you want to listen to them in order. My "Guest" shows and "My Book Readings" can be viewed by clicking the links below under "Categories".
Please check out my author WEBSITE
I want to thank everyone for tuning in and supporting my work through the years! As always I continue to place a warning on my shows dealing with Child Abuse Prevention and Adult Survivor Issues, please LISTEN AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION! IF YOU ARE UNDER AGE AND OR SENSITIVE TO THE TOPIC AND ISSUES SURROUNDING CHILD ABUSE OF ANY TYPE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, SEXUAL ASSAULT, SEXUAL EXPLOITATION AND ANY RELATED TOPICS TO VIOLENCE, PLEASE DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS SHOW. WE ARE ALL RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN CHOICES. MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE FOR YOURSELF. THANK YOU! Human rights advocate, child rights advocate! Promoter of human rights for men, women, and children. I am not a professional counselor or a professional legal adviser and I have no professional certificates in these fields. This is not a professional show. The information and resources on these shows is from the web, and the accuracy is only as accurate as the originator's material was. Please make the right decision for yourself and listen at your own discretion. Minors and under age children must have parental/adult consent to listen to my shows in order that they stay protected at all times. Please have an adult listen to the material first so they can help you with the decision as to whether you should be listening to my shows or not depending on age appropriateness. Child Safety and Protection is my first priority. Thank you!